王劲的屋檐 - Wang Jin's Rooooof

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so you heard me and gave me another path, God.

God, if you are listening, please give me an IF ...

If time can fly back for just ten days, if, just ten days. I will choose to go back to the lake again.
But this time, I will not be so quiet. I will smile, I will speak, I will do whatever I want to do. I will not hold everything so that I can make sure that nothing is unspoken and she 'n me will have no secret expectations.

If time can fly back for just ten days, if, just ten days. I will probably still cry so hard to releave my sorrow and presure.
But this time, I will not be so nerd. I will let her know why I am crying, the reason for everything, literally everything! I will choose to be the real me, not the one under a huge idiot protecting shell which is kind like being protecting me from the harm the she might bring to me.

If time can fly back for just ten days, if, just ten days. I will not keep taking the video of her walking toward me.
But this time, I will put my phone down and go ahead 'n HUG her like we will never be apart ever ever again.

Lord, those are all what I thought I would do. But even I myself cannot believe that I didn't make it happen, I couldn't, couldn't.....

So, how big the chance is there that you can give me an if.....?

I cannot get into sleep coz I miss the feeling of having you around me at night and holding you in my arms and getting into sleep, so so so so much. I feel fear of being alone, so so so so much...

觉得泡起一杯奶茶是奢侈..于是,拿了我最大的那个咖啡杯,泡了满满一杯,,直到奶茶的浓香被冲淡了....

可是不知道了,怎么喝都不是那么开心...

昨天晚上知道了一些上帝安排的秘密..却没有机会后悔了..只能说,无缘,是命..

我生平第一次认命了.....因为我努力了那么多那么多次.如果连一点机会都不肯给我,那除了是没有这个命,还能有何种解释?

于是,试着去释怀,试着去遗忘...

我是痛苦,是孤伤,但又怎样?我有过承诺,有过约定,我在做我认为是对的事情..

我完全可以像以前一样,但我看清了,用赖皮换来的关系是维持不了多久的..我决定不再傻了..我现在唯一能做的就是保护自己,别像蛾子一样不知悔改地往火里冲...虽然它得到了光明,却也为此遍体鳞伤...既然火感受不到蛾的伤和执着,蛾还是静静等待白昼吧...不要再傻了..傻瓜!

决定用消失来努力...我不管做什么,都会努力,都会努力...

决定好好学习,努力,努力...

喝完这杯奶茶,洗掉杯子...开始拼图,,开始遗忘...

又回到了美国，又开学了，又见到了那些朋友，那些老师，又走过那些场景，又坐在那些教室里。。一切一切，仿佛回到年初。一个人的世界，没有牵挂没有依赖。 独自听着歌走路去学校，选一个没人能打扰的地方，看看这，想想那。 只要天还亮着，我什么都可以尽情享受。 又会一大早起床，给自己泡上一杯咖啡，微波炉里放进两个鸡蛋，当早饭。出门前要记得拿上挂在门边的钥匙，然后出门上学。 换了新室友，是个J1的女生。很可惜不能，或是说不肯跟我们一起玩。她是个乖乖女，每天自己做饭然后放在盒子里拿进房间里吃，然后吃完就把碗马上洗掉了。我平时见不到她，要么她在房间里，要么她在学校里，她不会在客厅出现的样子。我也不是很好意思去找她说话，因为不知道说什么。于是，终于有了个纯粹是室友的室友了。不太会出现矛盾。我过我的，她过她的。 交了几个新朋友。晚上睡不着觉会出去过夜。反正总比一个人在家里胡思乱想强吧。 总归一切又回到从前，除了会纠结几下，全力投入到生活里的感觉还不错。希望自己能够尽快复原吧。

I want you guys to stick with me at night. Don't leave, don't leave me alone. Begging for it, for someone who can stay with me, for someone who can talk to me, for someone who can remove my scare of nights.

I'm scared of nights.

I hate my bed coz it's me alone sleeping on it, and it's too big. I've got nothing to hold. I hate my room coz it's me alone staying in it, and it's too beautiful. I've got too much memories. I hate my mind coz it's me alone thinking with it, and it's too dumb. I've got nothing else to think of.

I miss.... someone, something, somewhere.... Yes I do. I would not choose to think, to miss, to think, to miss...

I am always the one who laugh the most at parties but who cry the most afterward when being alone.

I'm scared of nights.

I have not updated my playlists on Kugoo for a long time. Coz I don't know what to listen to. And I don't know whose advice I should listen to. I don't wanna be in my shade of the past, but I cannot get out of it.

Someone save me.

I'm scared of nights.

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